To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
