I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
