Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Randomize
