So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
