she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
