I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
