its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
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