So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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