the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
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