I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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