I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
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He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
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My penis needs a shock collar
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
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