Swine flu. Run for my life!
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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