You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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