Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
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