From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
