dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
