the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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