It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
