Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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