Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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