Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
