I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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