You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
