There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
