im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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