wat bout pragnant strippers??
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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