I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
