you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
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Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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