there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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