Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
