her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
