I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
