Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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