Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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