It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
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