you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
