he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
