I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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