You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
