ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
