3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
My ATM looks so different sober.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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