You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
