the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
