Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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