I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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