I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
