Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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