if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
