Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
My vagina just clenched in fear
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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