Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Randomize
