i jhust puked up my retainher.
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
