Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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