Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
