I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Randomize
