DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
