sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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