I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
No more Irish car bombs ever.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Randomize
