as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
