no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
