I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Randomize
