I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Randomize
