wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
i dont even know how to be here
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
