Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
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He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
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She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.