Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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