Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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