If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Randomize
