Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
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