Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
