come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
