can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
