This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
