My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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