Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
