we're blogging at a bar
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
