Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
