Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
barbara walters just said penis...
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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