Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
